Help Me Understand
by gwmclintock9
Summary: He watched them interact the few times he had seen them together. He always went out of his way, after the couple initial meetings to meet her when he wasn’t around. It just grated him wrong. He couldn’t watch them, knowing what he knew. He didn't get it.


He didn't get it.  
He watched them interact the few times he had seen them together. He always went out of his way, after the couple initial meetings to meet her when he wasn't around. It just grated him wrong. He couldn't watch them, knowing what he knew. Feeling how he felt.  
He just didn't get it.  
He had started to open himself to her, trying to get her to open up to him. They were close, but not as close as he wanted. It was kind of a once in a life time love, the one that he thought he had been waiting for. He really wanted it to be her, he prayed upon it, hell he even cried up it, just so that he could have a chance.  
She never saw the tears. Never heard his prayer. Because it was all futile when it came to him and her. Because he wasn't the man she wanted, despite being as close as he was, he wasn't the man she needed.  
He thought they were strong, and maybe they were. But then he got that runaway feeling. The one that made him leave in the first place, the one that made him walk away. And what had been solid, broke so easily.  
Now, he lay countless nights alone, wondering about what he did wrong, about what he could have done differently. He needed someone to show him the light again, a light he had thought he found with her. Now his world was in darkness and he was all alone. Again. But still…  
He just didn't get it.  
He didn't mean for things to change, in fact, he wished they hadn't. But they did, and he knew they would. He just thought they weren't going to change that much since he left. What else was there to change?  
They were two separate people now, with two lives that were never going to cross again. Maybe pass along, side by side, but never cross. She was going to live her life how she wanted to, nothing to change, and nothing he could say would convince her.  
When he came back, he had thought they could pick things up where they had left off and move off into that fairy tale ending that he romanticized about so much while gone. But it wasn't meant to be.  
He entered the Jeffersonian with plans of lunch on his mind, a little restaurant for them to enjoy. He had it all planned out, even her response. His heart was so dead set on the ending, his happy ending with her, that it never heard his mind, telling him to be weary. He should have listened more.  
He froze when he saw them. While he technically had no right to enter, he could watch them afar. And it seemed like all that he had done for her, all that they were together, wasn't good enough. Not when he saw them together like that.  
They were going over a case. They had to be. And they looked so normal, talking animatedly about one thing or another. He watched them for a moment or two, beginning to think he had a chance. Then he saw it.  
An it he had dreaded. An it that meant there never going to be another chance for him.  
All it was, was a look. A look from her toward him, the man she had been arguing with, a man that he had considered a rival even when she denied it. The man who stayed.  
"I'm sorry." He looked back Angela, who had somehow found him just on the other side of the door. He looked back at the two of them arguing over something, but he could see the passion crossing between them. A fire the burned so strong and yet it wasn't afraid to falter. They complemented each other well.  
"For?" He played dumb, just like he did the last time he had seen them all together.  
"I know you cared about her a lot, and…" Her voice trailed off, leaving what he knew to be true unspoken.  
_"You wanted her to care just as much." _ He knew that there wasn't much else he could say, much else that he could try and tell them.  
"Does she know you're back?" Angela asked.  
"No, and I'm not sure if I want her to," he admitted. They were done arguing now, but still the stood close together, examining and talking in small voices. They worked well together, and his heart told him that he and her would work better.  
"You should," Angela said. "She has missed you."  
"But not as much as she would miss him," he countered. Angela nodded, knowing there was use in arguing. There really wasn't. He had to accept things as what they were. He couldn't change them, and if he tried, he would probably destroy a friendship that was strong long before he even entered their lives.  
She shrugged her shoulders, not making an comment about it. "I made a mistake when I left."  
"No," Angela said. He was surprised by the answer, expecting her to agree with him. "You made the mistake of thinking she would wait for someone who walked out on her. " He stared at her for a few moments, not noticing the approaching team. There was slight anger in her voice. Anger that he knew had ever right to be there.  
"Sully?" He turned to see Temperance standing there, next to him. The two of them weren't touching, but there was a closeness that he could see, one that meant he couldn't get through to get to her. "I didn't know you were back in town."  
"Yeah, I wanted it to be a surprise," he said. Sully looked at him for a moment before shaking his head. He never really did have a chance.  
"We're just heading out for lunch, want to join us?" Temperance said. Hogkins and Zack came up behind the two of them, making the group into the five that he had joined a few times on cases.

"No, that's alright," Sully said. He looked right at Booth before looking at Temperance again.

"You sure?" Booth was the one to offer. He had been looking between Sully and Temperance since the agent first release he was back. The man had nothing worry about. Sully could tell by how close Temperance was standing to Booth that he didn't need to worry. Or maybe, he didn't even know.

Funny, how things change, and how much they stay the same.

"Yeah, I've got some things to do before I head off again," Sully waved them off.

"If you want, we can set something up, lunch maybe?" Temperance offered. He wanted to take up her offer, to apologize for leaving, to letting go of her before he really wanted to. There was a lot that he wanted to apologize for, but he knew there wouldn't be enough words.

"Maybe, if that's alright," Sully said, directing the question to Booth. Temperance missed the question, and looked puzzled. Booth, however, caught on and nodded, something Sully guessed Angela didn't miss as well. Maybe the man wasn't as clueless as he thought.

"I just asked you, of course it'll be alright," Temperance said. She looked at Booth for a moment before the rest of her crew. "The diner?"

"Yeah, I'll meet you there," Booth said. Sully internally cringed as he watched Booth's hand land upon her back, guiding her out the door with everyone else. "I've got to ask Sully a question on an old case." She looked between them, and Sully watched a short gaze of longing pass over her eyes. He just wished that it was directed at him.

He needed someone to help him understand why he couldn't let go of her, when it was so obvious, well maybe not to her but everyone else, that she had let go of him for another.

"What did you want Seeley?"

"You going to hurt her?" He was never a man to pull punches and now shouldn't be any different for Booth.

"It'd be hard to hurt something I don't have," he commented back.

"Doesn't matter for Bones." Booth had taken a defensive position.

"No, you probably know a lot more about that than me," Sully said. He bit back the laugh, knowing that Booth would take it the wrong way. If he was in Booth's position he would.

How much he wouldn't give to be in Booth's place...

"What do you want Sully?"

"I wanted to know if she still loved me," Sully said. Booth nodded, expecting as much. There was a look of hurt in the man's eyes. "But I'm starting to wonder if she ever did." The look was probably mirrored in his own.

"She's her own woman, and can decide for herself what she wants."

"She made her choice Sully whispered. Booth gave him an odd look, but Sully waved it off before continuing. "She made her choice, long before we met. She choose you, and I thought I could change it. That my love could change it." Booth didn't say anything, and Sully could see the fear in the man's eyes. Yeah, Booth had believed that too, but now, that was nothing more than a pipe dream.

"I'm not a part of her plan anymore, Seeley, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be," Sully said. this was getting into an area that he didn't want it to go. He needed to leave, right now. "Look, just know that I'd give anything to be in your shoes. Tell Temperance I'll give her a call, try and set something up." He walked away, not want to see the man that had stolen the woman's heart that he desired.

He left the Jeffersonian, planning on heading back to the hotel. He needed to make a couple of calls, try and get back out on the water. Get away from this place.

He would call her up, and they would probably meet for lunch. Small talk would be made, but it'd be awkward. He could picture himself and even hear the words coming out of his mouth, asking her how long she and Booth have been together. The confused look on her face would turn into a blush, even if she didn't admit anything to him. Even if they weren't together, his question and departure would probably make them see each question it some more.

And just like last time he left, they would have each other to lean on.

He would be left with the shell of a heart that temperance had managed to take unknowingly.

He didn't know what Booth had that he didn't, and he probably never would. Right now, he just didn't understand.

He didn't understand.


End file.
